BDSM: a new sexual orientation?

The term ‘sexual orientation’ is used primarily to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transsexual (LGBT). This powerful concept – ‘sexual orientation’ – bravely promoted by members of the LGBT community, has empowered people, over the past 50 years, to think of themselves as not bad or sick, but simply different.

Readers will remember that it was not so long ago that homosexuality was considered a form of disease. Until 1973, homosexuality was listed in the American Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as a psychopathology – a form of mental illness. The underlying assumption here was that gay people had something wrong with them. While of course there are still people who think this, it’s not generally seen this way anymore, at least in the US and UK.

Most people have heard of S&M or SM (in case you’re one of the few who hasn’t, it stands for sadism and masochism). Fewer have heard of D / s (domination and submission), but the most comprehensive acronym commonly used by those involved in these activities is BDSM (B stands for bondage). If you Google BDSM, you will find many pornographic websites, some community sites run by members of the BDSM community, BDSM equipment vendor sites (fetish clothing, specialized chains and restraints, whips, etc.).

However, for those looking for serious research on the prevalence and experience of people indulging in BDSM with consenting adults, there is not much available. And yet these practices seem to be quietly making their way into our consciousness, with a growing stream of articles and documentaries that, while not serious academic work, are also not purely porn. The internet, television, and major magazines are providing means for people who are perfectly nice and ‘ordinary’ (whatever that means) to reveal that they like BDSM activities. In these articles and television shows, the participants generally do not seem to feel that there is anything wrong with them, or that they have something to apologize for for their sexual practices. Having said that, most BDSM-ers feel insecure about how they might be judged for their activities by, say, employers, friends, healthcare professionals, and family. Indeed, then, it seems that many BDSM-ers think that they are not sick, but have a different sexual orientation.

If we think of BDSM as a sexual orientation, what are the implications of this? The following is a rough list.

• BDSM is not proof of any kind of emotional damage (for example, trauma or abusive parenting)
• People cannot be counseled or ‘treated’ in any other way so that they are not in BDSM
• People should not be discriminated against for being in BDSM.
• People are not ‘sick’ in any way if they like BDSM
• People are not somehow ‘bad’ if they like BDSM

Those who view BDSM as a form of illness can still find support in DSM, where activities that involve, for example, ‘suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner’ are classified as a paraphilia: a form of metal disorder. But this is a gray area because there is systematic ambiguity as to whether what is meant here is “suffering” or “humiliation” within a mutually consensual role-play situation. The BDSM players who are on our television screens or internet sites, or who conduct business around BDSM, are talking about exactly this mutually consensual game, as opposed to actual and non-consensual torture or humiliation.

For therapists who may encounter clients presenting with BDSM-related issues, I invite you to consider the above points and see if any of these statements conflict with attitudes you may have had about BDSM. I invite you to consider the idea of ​​BDSM as a sexual orientation.