Legal Law

My body, my blow

In general, I am not easily offended, nor do I lose my temper easily. I lost my temper when I was six years old, but I haven’t been able to recover since. The funny parsonage lady is trying to find it, but so far she hasn’t found it.

Many people get annoyed by a small, unimportant thing that isn’t really a big deal.

For example, driving through a fast food drive-in, you’ll realize what it’s like to get angry. The customer in front of me is very impatient, and the customer behind me is just as impatient. They want everything on their schedule.

Standing in the middle, I just relax because there’s no way I can speed up the line, so why even try?

Very few things offend me, and I have found it to be a very good practice.

Don’t let this get out, but the Graceful Parsonage Mistress can get angry very quickly, particularly with bugs, lizards and the like, not to mention snakes.

For some reason, he doesn’t like snakes, and when he sees one, even on TV, he responds very negatively.

Once, when we were on vacation and staying in a motel, a frog was under his pillow. I have lived through that nightmare many times. I didn’t know my wife could dance and sing at the same time. I didn’t recognize the song, but I enjoyed the performance of it.

Not being easily annoyed, I enjoy when other people get annoyed, particularly over little things they have no control over.

Then the story went wrong for me!

It was the season of the “Love Bugs” that happens every year. I always forget that he comes, but he comes every year. Last year seems to have been my worst experience.

They were bedbugs, mosquitoes and love flies. I guess they have a purpose in this world, but I have yet to figure out what that purpose is. Its purpose is not very suitable for me personally.

When morning came, I left to get in my car to go to the church office; As soon as I got out, a bunch of love bugs attacked me. I don’t know what they see in me that they want so much, I wish they would drop it. I’m thinking of filing for divorce.

Walking to my vehicle, I was hitting left and right, up and down and every hit was hitting some kind of bug. I must confess that they were starting to annoy me.

No matter where I went that day, there was some kind of bug following me around and trying to snuggle with me. Why do they have to be so affectionate?

All day long, I’ve been squashing these bugs. The more I hit, the more they seemed to come my way.

I was at Publix, and as I was walking down an aisle, a mosquito landed on my nose, and without thinking, I swatted it as hard as I could. Yes, the mosquito was dead. Yes, my nose was bleeding.

I heard several giggles behind me and was afraid to turn around. I took out my handkerchief and wiped my nose as best I could. When I got to the counter to pay for my item, the cashier looked at me and smiled very warmly. I returned his gaze with a grimace he hadn’t worn in a long time.

I told him very grumpy: “It’s my body, my slap.”

I guess I never learned a lesson, but I did hit my nose, cheek, and chin several times that week. I guess it’s just a habit.

One time a fly flew into my mouth, and believe me, it wasn’t Apple Fritter. I still have that nasty taste in my mouth.

Several days later I was at Publix again and the bugs were still in operational mode. Wherever he went, there was some mistake.

I hit myself several times and luckily there was no blood. But I got some errors that won’t bother me anymore.

Walking around the store, I tried to avoid bugs as much as possible. When I was done, I went to the cashier to pay for my items.

While I was there, suddenly someone patted me on the back.

I turned around and looked and some guy said, “I did you a favor. There was a bug crawling on your back and I killed it for you.”

Looking at him, I said, “My body, my punch.”

Very soberly, I apologized, and just laughed and said, “Okay. That’s one down and a zillion more to go.”

We both laughed a bit and I left and went to my car.

As I was driving home, a verse from the Old Testament occurred to me. “Take us the foxes, the little foxes, which spoil the vines, because our vines have young grapes” (Song of Songs 2:15).

That made me think about those little bugs that were wreaking havoc in my life. It’s the little things you don’t think about at the time that do all the damage. Usually my focus is on the “big” things in my life, allowing those “little” things to do the most damage.

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