Emotional transformations: dealing with the death of a loved one
Since dealing with my father’s death after becoming his caregiver, I had to make some adjustments. Although I couldn’t wait to return to my normal life as it was, there have been some differences in my emotions that I haven’t experienced before. For the first time in my life, I’ve been losing focus. What I mean by that is that I don’t care so much if my work space and other spaces are tidy and the sense of pride that goes with it. I’ve also lost some of the excitement I used to experience when I went to the movies, and even reading a great book isn’t as good as it used to be and reading was (and still is to some extent) a huge passion of mine. At first he annoyed me, asking me, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I go back to my old rhythm?”
After feeling this way for a few weeks, I decided to look at this in a positive light and asked myself, “What’s so good about this?” It’s like my brain is telling me that there are other things I need to be aware of and that it’s okay to change your emotions and feelings about things, as long as you can follow your intuition and share with loved ones who can give you perspective and that are open. to this type of discussion. Once I discovered this, it became easier for me to analyze the changes and how they affected me.
Okay, I’m not as organized as I used to be, I can make a decision to keep my phone at home if Ralph and I go out, and I’ve given myself enough time to slowly get to my destination so I can enjoy the beauty of Maine in the fall. My emotions have slowed down and I think it has a lot to do with my last year as my dad’s caregiver before he passed away. The experiences gained during this precious time are priceless and I understand what people were talking about when they said “You will always remember this experience and you will be so glad you did it and it will change you for life!” That statement is very true! These experiences included getting closer to family members, making new friends, seeing old friends often, and meeting the most wonderful people on the face of the earth: the caregivers (or angels, as I call them) of the sick and dying. However, it wasn’t just the people. It was also learning, growing, and executing the many things that needed to be done. During this time, I understood the meaning of the phrase “Don’t worry about the little things!”
As I write this article and look at my desk full of papers that can be easily filed or organized, there is one emotion that keeps me from getting stressed and that emotion is acceptance. I can accept that work will always be here and it will only take an hour or two to organize, so why stress? I will when I can. I used to feel guilty when things didn’t get done or I took time out to be with my family during work hours. Now I know what a waste of precious time it was to stress or even feel guilty.
Instead of feeling guilty or stressed, I can truly say that I am transforming emotionally. I’m fine with leaving my smartphone at home to enjoy every moment with my family. So far, I haven’t hurt anyone or missed anything important that needs to be done. How amazing is that? There is a great deal of balance in my life right now and remembering to listen to my intuition has helped me a lot. I think we all have something in us (be it a sixth sense or intuition) and sometimes we experience enough life to hear it or feel it emotionally.
As I think about what I have experienced, there is a list of lessons learned that I would like to share with you:
Define what is important in your life, first with yourself and then share it with a loved one or two because it tends to become even clearer to you when you have that conversation and they can appreciate your thoughts on it and maybe model this process for themselves. themselves. .
Take the time you need to catch up or visit friends and loved ones as much as possible, if it suits your personality. If not, maybe a close friend or mentor will help. Most people find that having deep conversations with friends or loved ones is therapeutic.
If you find yourself working more than relaxing or spending time with family and friends, consider what can be done about it and schedule time away from work to gain some perspective or plan some physical activities or find fun things to do.
Perhaps waking up every morning with a question: What is the best thing I can do today that is productive, fun, or good for me and/or others? Doing Yoga exercises first thing in the morning also helps.
If you’re getting stressed about too much work or being pulled in different directions to work, visit, or do things around the house, just stop and take stock of what’s most important to you. Communicating with people and letting them know the truth about your schedule usually works well, since most people understand and appreciate honesty.