Hum Same Same Hain

Are the same likes and dislikes really important in a marriage?

“We like the same things, it’s like we were made for each other,” announced a cheerful twenty-five-year-old newlywed bride. Her eyes widened at the implicit divine intervention of her working overtime to find him a ‘match made in heaven’. Her husband looked visibly smitten with his wife, wearing a mauve collared shirt perfectly coordinated to match his trophy wife’s skirt. Who picked up the shirt was easy to guess. I smiled benignly, though completely confused as to how long the phase of similarity and apparent agreement would last. and how they would face reality once it came to light (after fulfilling the mating rituals) that they are two perfectly functional individuals with tastes that might not be so ‘alike’ after all and that it was perfectly ‘okay’ to be. different.

Even conjoined twins, given the fact that they are literally made up of the same cells and have the same home environment, have distinctive individual personalities. So why when the question of choosing a life partner arises, do we become obsessed with finding one who has exactly the same likes and dislikes? I understand that there has to be something in common for two people to appreciate each other and, consequently, to fall in love. But if we simply marry mirror images of ourselves, doesn’t that make us narcissistic and perennially self-obsessed?

The famous Ying-Yang to Ardhnarishwar (the composite androgynous form of the Hindu god Shiva and his consort Parvati) celebrates perfection in differences. They try to show us that true wholeness can be rewarding and should be celebrated by embracing such differences. So why in real life, the moment a spouse (either one) seeks their own individuality by showing their disdain for the other’s choice, the person is called insensitive and a more common dialogue rules the most? part of the marriage? gaye ho” (you have changed). To which I feel what a correct response would be: honey, he/she was always like this, but you saw what you wanted to see (a Robert Pattinson with mock biceps, or a bikini-clad Jennifer Lawrence)

So take your life partner choice difference in stride instead of fighting and crying for them. Celebrate them. Stand up as an individual instead of a shadow or the controller. That’s funny. It is not like this? I want to share what Khali Gibran had to say about marriage and the subtle beauty of individual growth that fuels it.

We married
kahlil gibran

Love one another, but do not make bonds of love:
Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cups, but do not drink from one cup.
Give each other of your bread but do not eat of the same bread
Sing and dance together and be merry, but let each of you be alone,
Just as the strings of a lute are alone although they tremble with the same music.