Home Matters – Change what is wrong
Are things not going as well as you would like in your life or in your home? It’s a common problem, but where is the answer on how to fix what’s wrong? Almost all of our problems start in our own heads. Over the years, I have found a way to get to the heart of our problems and see ways to solve it. It all starts with you and your way of thinking. Follow the 6 steps discussed here and start making important changes in your life and family.
1. This is the hardest. Don’t believe everything you think right now, because you can change what you think. This is really what separates us from animals: the ability to think about what we are thinking.
Just because you think something is so, doesn’t make it true. If you believe the world is flat, that doesn’t change the fact that it is, in fact, round. If I think someone is mad at me, that’s just a reflection of what I think and really has nothing to do with what the other person really thinks. This brings to mind a group of teenagers who are tied to who is thinking what and who said what to whom. “Sally thinks Jake told Ben that she likes you.” All of this speculation in no way reflects Jake’s thoughts (or Sally’s or Ben’s for that matter), but only the thoughts of the person speaking. So, when you talk to yourself, be careful not to believe everything you think!
2. Ask yourself this question: ‘What is my struggle?’ Try to put down on paper exactly what is bothering you. Write it in objective and specific terms. “Something’s not right at home” may be a gut feeling, but it doesn’t really define anything and will leave you baffled. Make it specific to you: “I’m bored.” “I have no money.” “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
3. Now ask yourself, “What brought me here?” Write down everything you can think of that has brought you to this point in your life. This is not a blame session, this is an open and honest look at your life, your reactions, your assumptions. Other questions to ask yourself to help with this part of the process are: “What do I hear?” “What do I see?” and most importantly, “What do I tell myself?”
Pay close attention to that last question and take the time you need to complete this step honestly and objectively.
4. The next part makes you look for evidence or fruits of your thoughts. Here is the question: “What are the physical or tangible results or evidences of my thinking?” How have you seen your way of thinking manifest in the real world? Be specific.
5. Now is the time to start looking for what you would like to see happen in your world. Be sure to also write the answer to this question. “How do I want to be?” or “What do I want to be different?” In this step describe what you want in the most vivid detail. Use all your senses to describe your desire. It is very important that you see this clearly.
If you go through this step and something inside your head says things like, “That will never be.” “Don’t be a dreamer.” “This is useless.” Go back to step number one. Your life absolutely CAN change, and it starts in your thoughts. Countless people have proven this over thousands of years, and just because you think it’s stupid doesn’t mean it is! Keep going! Fight against thought and start to change everything!
6. After all the work you’ve done in steps 1-5, now is the time to look for a change. Here is the next vital question to ask yourself and write down the answers: “What thoughts and actions match my new vision?” What are you willing to do to achieve a change in yourself? These answers may take time and soul-searching, but they are well worth the effort.
Decide on 3-5 things that you have written down that you can start working on right away. Write them down and get started! You won’t be perfect at first, that’s okay, it may take long months for real change to pay off, but change will come if you persist.
I’d like to tell you about my own experience with these steps and some life changes that have occurred because I did exactly what I’m telling you to do.
Three and a half years ago I was on my back with a back injury that occurred because I was overweight, overworked, and overstressed. My husband and three children made up a bed in the living room so I could be in the middle of things (and because I couldn’t climb the stairs because my back was so bad). I could hardly even walk. I had neglected my health to the point where I was a wimp at 5’3″, 178lbs. I wasn’t used to sitting up and having to stay in bed almost drove me crazy. My darling four year old daughter. I had to going to a friend’s daycare for a week because I couldn’t take care of her After four days of this misery, lying there, in pain, alone with my children, frustrated with everything that wasn’t being done, I started looking at myself Myself, I hadn’t defined all these steps yet, but when I look back I see that I did exactly what I’m telling you to do.
1. Don’t believe everything you think: I have to take care of everyone and I don’t have time to take care of myself. Others deserve the care, not me. I don’t need any help.
2. What is my fight? I’m in pain, I’m fat, I’m not healthy, I can’t take care of my family.
3. How did I get here? I always take time to take care of others, but never myself. I think I don’t have time to take care of myself and that I can continue like this. I eat scrap. I don’t exercise. I go to bed late and then I don’t sleep well.
4. What are the physical/tangible results? Here I am, unable to do anything. I can barely take care of myself, let alone someone else.
I felt bad inside seeing myself in this situation. Something happened inside me and I said out loud: “I WILL NOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!” I think I was a bit surprised when I heard it out loud. And I said it again, louder.
5. How do I want to be? I closed my eyes and began to imagine myself running in the yard, playing with my children, without pain. I pictured myself, lean, fit, running. I saw hiking, swimming – active. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted him. I started to feel hope again. I was absorbed in the vision of what I wanted: the smell of the outdoors, the warmth of the sun, the fresh air.
6. What thoughts and actions match my new vision? I knew I would need physical therapy. I had to eat healthy foods and smaller portions. Once I could, I had to exercise. I had to develop ways to gain willpower. I needed to rest more. I needed to ask for help more often. I had to set aside a specific time to take care of myself.
I wrote everything. I still couldn’t get out of bed, but I began to tell myself, “I’m slim, healthy, and beautiful. I take care of myself, and I’m worth it.” (I still say this to myself 3 and a half years later).
The following week I was able to start physical therapy. It was a long process, but in a few months I was able to go to the pool. I became more active. I started tracking everything I ate and developed my own system for counting my food. I tried new foods. All my family was willing to help. They helped me have time to exercise every day. I lost 25 pounds and felt better than I have in years.
Then, a year and a half into my efforts, I had a setback. I was tired of eating well. I was bored with my food count. I lost the motivation to continue like this. I gained 15 pounds back and could see the scale heading back to where it had been. I was in the dumps and I thought, “What’s the use?” Guess what I did? Same thing: I defined the problem, looked at how I got to this place, looked at the results, renewed my vision, and set new goals. I mixed things up a bit. I started a step aerobics class. I started running a bit. I bought a step counter (my secret weapon). I started using a different food counting system to give myself a break from the old one. Basically I did everything I had done before, but re-looked at it based on my new circumstances. I lost 15 pounds. He had gained again, plus 10 more, for a total of 35 pounds (with the previous loss). I’m 16 pounds away from where I want to be. My back hardly hurts anymore and last Saturday I spent the day scuba diving with my daughter, something I never would have been able to do 3 years ago.
The steps work! Change your thinking and your vision and change your life!