I am afraid I am heading for a separation or divorce because my husband came out in a rage after a fight

Sometimes I hear of wives who have spent a night away from their husband because he left in a rage after a fight. Sometimes wives know where her husband went and other times, he is not ready to reveal this information. Regardless of the specifics, many wives are affected by this. No matter what the fight is about, having your spouse so angry that they will go to sleep elsewhere is clearly not ideal. In fact, many wives worry that these types of fights and results will eventually lead to a separation or divorce.

Someone might say, “I am very upset today. My husband and I have had a conflict for months. I think money is at the heart of things, but honestly, I feel there is more to it than this. My husband looks on lately, with disdain. , like he can’t deal with me at all. And his anger is a serious blackout to me. So it’s like we don’t even identify with each other anymore. It used to be that it took quite a long time for us to raise our voices or get angry . But this is no longer true. Sometimes when my husband looks at me, I don’t see love anymore. I told my coworker about this and she says I’m exaggerating. She says you can’t expect your marriage to never experience conflict and all couples fight. But my husband and I have never fought like this before. And it’s becoming more and more frequent. I’m worried that things are just going to get worse and I’m starting to suspect that my husband doesn’t love me like I used to. d that’s a A very important reason why people separate or divorce. Am I out of place here? I’m scared that my husband wants to sleep somewhere other than with me. “

I definitely don’t think you’re out of line. But I am biased. It was fights like the one you are describing that led my husband to believe that we were no longer in love or compatible and we eventually broke up and almost got divorced. So yes, fighting and the loss of intimacy or empathy can definitely be the first steps on the road to getting your marriage into trouble. I don’t think you can worry too much about your marriage, as long as that worry makes you be proactive and try to make positive changes. If that’s the worst thing that happens when you overreact, well that’s a positive and happy ending anyway.

Sure, everyone fights. But the way you fight can be extremely revealing. I once had a therapist who told me that I could tell which couples in pre-martial therapy would end up divorced just by watching the way they fought. Couples who fought fairly and tried to come to a compromise or resolution at the end of the fight (even when they were very angry at the time) were much more likely to stay together than couples who had fights that broke up with someone. always getting angry or with the partner personally insulting and destroying each other. This counselor said that it was okay to be angry about the problem, but that he did not want to get into the habit of directing his anger at his spouse personally. She said couples whose fights got personal or escalated until someone was gone all the time were more likely to get divorced because they didn’t show the skills to move toward a solution.

That does not mean that this is going to happen to you or to your marriage. But I mention it to illustrate the point that I don’t think I’m necessarily exaggerating. When things settle down, you can sit your husband down and tell him that you are very concerned about the way things are going between you. Emphasize that you were upset and very worried when you left and that it is important that you improve your ability to communicate and engage so that this trend does not escalate. Tell him that you miss the easy relationship he used to have (when he could work things out so much more easily). See how it responds. He may be relieved and as concerned as you are. Once the air clears, you may both try harder. It’s very important to try to reestablish connection and intimacy because, as you’ve already seen, once it’s gone, fights tend to escalate much more easily. When you are strongly connected with your spouse, it is much easier to leave behind the problems that would cause a big fight with less close partners. It just makes a lot of things in your marriage so much easier and more satisfying.