Am I too young to write a will?

At the age of 28, you’d think one of the last things on my mind would be making a will for myself. However, with two children to think about, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I recently had a medical scare, which led me to really think about life and death. While death is not something everyone wants to think about, it is a natural part of life. One that, especially as a parent, people need to think long and hard about!

There are many misconceptions about writing a will. “People shouldn’t be afraid to create a will,” says Les Kotzer, family estate attorney and co-author of The Family Fight; Planning to avoid it. There is a common misconception that a will is something complex that only applies to wealthy or elderly people, and that is simply not true.

Why should you make a will?

With me, my first thought besides my children was, “What do I have to leave behind?” Being a young woman with two young children. I didn’t think of having much beyond the debt. However, it seemed like he was overlooking a few things. I was looking at one of my biggest assets, life insurance. “Most young parents have life insurance policies, especially if they’re employed,” says Larry Lipiec, a probate attorney. “If the parents die without a will, the government will administer the estate for a fee. The children receive the money when they reach the age of majority, which is 18 in most states.”

Now my first thought when I read that was; “Great, my son and daughter will be 18 years old and get a lot of ‘free’ money. Hmmmm; I don’t think so!!!” This is/wasn’t exactly what I wanted for my kids, right? Would they choose to continue their education, continue with their lives, or invest? Or, instead, they would want to “buy a sports car, party, and go around the world.”

Not only that, but imagine your parents in court fighting for the right to raise their children, while your husband’s parents fight for the same thing. Or if you’re like me, you have more than one “family” member living for a “part” of your children. For me, I have not only my ex-husband’s parents, but also my ex-husband’s new wife, his family, my sister, and my parents!

Each one of them “beating” the other, relationships would never be the same within the family or for your children. Without a will, these situations could not only occur, but are more likely to occur, in the event that you and your husband die at the same time. Or in the case like me, where your bachelorette!

Where do you start?

“The best way to create a will is to see a lawyer,” says Lipiec. However, with this “information age” and knowing that parents do not always have the time or money to sit down with a lawyer, there are other options.

There are many places on the Internet to get good information and also easy to use software like WillMaker; many people are choosing to create their own wills.

Scott Mann of Virginia states, “WillMaker is fairly simple and easy to use. It provided a quick and inexpensive solution for my family of five’s needs. My wife and I not only have the will we needed, but we spent less than 3 total hours doing it.”

Lipic also designed a great tool called America’s Plan Language Will Kit to help people who choose to create their own wills. This kit is created in two different versions to suit many more people; including one for single people, with or without children, and one for people in their first marriage with at least one child.

However, the kit, like the software, has its limitations, it is a “one size fits all” type of program. When dealing with people (like me) we can have all kinds of different needs and wants that require all kinds of different and special considerations. There are times when a kit or program of any kind is not appropriate, such as in situations where you are on your second marriage, or have children from 2 different fathers, or own your own business. These situations require an attorney.

This is something I can mention from personal experience; Lawyers are not as scary as one might think. Lawyers are not here to intimidate you, and just like your pediatrician, if you don’t trust them, they can’t help you. Start by asking, your friends and family will likely be the “place to start” when finding a lawyer. Although lawyers are often not the “friendliest” people, they get a bad impression for being “money grabbers.” Most attorneys I’ve come across are pretty easy to talk to, and they really just want to help you!

There are a few things to know before you go on that first date, or even sit down with your do-it-yourself program. Below are some concepts and terms you should be familiar with.

To Guardian.

A guardian is the person you select to raise and care for your children in the event both parents die before the children reach the “age of majority” (which is 18 years of age in all states, any child under the age of 18 years old needs a guardian).

Without a will, a judge in court, depending on the laws of your state, will establish the guardian. Basically what that means is if there is no will; his children and family will be put on trial, for a judge to decide who will raise his children; There’s no way to avoid it.

In many states, once the parents have left, the next person “in line” to care for their children will be the grandparents. However, if there are two sets of grandparents, this will ensure a heated court battle. One in which both parties not only have to prove that they are “better” for their children, but also that the “other side” is not so good. In doing so, this separates even the closest of families, your children could lose a set of grandparents along with that whole side of the family; which is not what you want.

Not only that, but your parents are affected by stress and unpacking expenses as well.

Robert Baumgartner of Robert B. Baumgartner & Associates in Fairfax, VA also suggests that you name a person as guardian; that person being most likely a blood relative; unlike a married couple. Why you may ask (I did). Baumgartner states: “After you die, what happens if your sister and brother-in-law decide to divorce? There could very well be a custody battle for the children. By naming a person, your sister, for example, she has custody of your children no matter what their martial status is.”

It is one of the most difficult decisions as a parent to choose a guardian for your children; no one is going to raise children the same way as you, tell the same stories, or even tie their shoes “the same way.” It’s hard to find that “perfect fit” and sometimes there isn’t a perfect fit. For me, I had to sit down and decide what characteristics I needed/wanted in the person who would be raising my children and how those values ​​ranked. My criteria first came down to family values ​​and relationships, then I thought about things like money concerns and location.

For me, making sure that my children were treated the same as I treat them, with the same “package” value was the most important thing; although each parent has their own concerns. You must decide them for yourself!

an enforcer.

The executor or representative will be the person who will take care of your estate after your death. Usually, this person is his spouse, however, in the event that both of them die; someone must have authority over the monetary items of his estate.

Baumgartner recommends that this person be the same age or younger than you. This person could be your parent, however there would need to be a backup. He also recommends that you talk to this person, make sure they agree with your decision and understand your needs and wants.

The final recommendation is to keep your executor and guardian as two separate people. By doing this, you create a kind of “checks and balances” system.

A trust.

A trust is a living thing, allowing funds to be invested and managed until your children reach a designated age, which you, the parent, can determine. A trust can be established so that the executor and/or guardian have full control and also have the ability to withdraw the money necessary for the upbringing and care of their children.

There are also “special” trusts that you can set up, one of which is a trust for a child with special needs, which will allow your child to still qualify for state and federal programs.

A power of attorney.

A power of attorney is a person who can speak for you, should you become incapacitated. In other words, if you fall into a coma or are unable to make decisions for yourself, your children, or your will, the power of attorney can make these decisions. If you choose not to include a power of attorney, your will may become void until your death. Without a named person, your property, including your children, is basically frozen, until someone goes to court to be appointed with the power to act on your behalf.

This person also needs to know and understand what this means to you, as it means different things to everyone. It was vital to me for my power of attorney to know my needs and wishes regarding organ donation, my children, as well as the machines to keep me alive. This person should be someone you trust deeply to do not what you “feel is right” but what you have decided is best for you and your family.

In closing, I found that creating my will was much more difficult for me emotionally than it was on paper; it was an empowering effort on my part and time well spent. It was a journey of self-discovery, as well as a journey to discover the wonderfully close family network that I have at my fingertips.

Don’t take these decisions lightly, do your research, talk to family and friends; then trust yourself, and know that a will is a way to help take care of the most precious things you have to share with the world, your children.

Now please do your family a favor, sit down, find out what your wishes are for the future of your children and assets, and write a will. You are not doing it for yourself; you are doing it for them. Imagine your 18 year old son touring Europe on a motorbike spending all that hard earned money, just because he can!