Authority figure Vs role model
I read an email the other day referring to someone as an authority figure. Now, while they are in a leadership role, I have never considered that they have “authority” over me. When I had played that role in the past, I had never considered it a position of authority. However, she had considered him a role model.
As adults, many of us have experienced authority issues in our past. We have had many people in our lives who have exercised authority over us for a variety of reasons. In our parents’ case it was probably to keep us safe, or to teach us family rules, or to prevent us from doing the things they feared would cause us harm. The teachers needed to keep us in check, after all, they were surrounded by potentially unruly children. They were also responsible for teaching us the rules.
For most of us, this was probably the last time someone in authority over us benefited us in any way, and yet it’s certainly not the last time someone has tried. Employers, partners and many others who believe that being in a leadership position means being the boss of, have tried to impose authority on us.
I remember in a class I took in college, the instructor told us that a traditional Native American belief is that “no man has the right to tell another what to do.” I would add that no adult has the right to tell another adult what to do. You may be thinking “what about my employees” or “what about this other group that I am somehow responsible for?”
After reaching a certain age, probably around 18, from then on we are the main responsible for ourselves. We can vote, we must take responsibility for our choices, and many of us eventually become responsible for others (children, partners, elderly parents, employees …) and yet we seem to seek those whom we ourselves can command. .
What I would like to suggest is that we change from this perspective of authority and instead approach our relationships from the position of role model. Role models are examples of appropriate behavior. They teach others by showing them how to do it. I know that as an adult teacher, they have always responded to me as a role model with much more enthusiasm than they would as an authority figure. And I also feel a lot more comfortable as a role model. As a role model, I can approach life with integrity and honesty. I can be fair and compassionate. An authority figure is more of a “do what I say” position. They often must make decisions that will weaken others. Role models teach people what to do and then hold them accountable; authority figures tell people what to do and then punish them if they don’t meet the authority’s expectations.
Imagine what life would be like if everyone, regardless of our position, approached life as role models. We may still have to tell someone what to do, “calling 911” is an example of the need to be a bit bossy at times, or ask someone to behave differently for the good of all. Even saying “come out with your hands up” are words that can be uttered as a role model.
How do you respond to others? Do you accept what others have to share with you when they come from a position of authority rather than as a role model? Most of us are very resistant to that! We do not like being ordered around because we know that it is not an appropriate way to treat others. It is the way of the Great Ego, not the way of the Lover of Life.
Being a role model can be a challenging idea. It requires us to be more responsible for our own behaviors and to act, speak and respond appropriately. As role models, we treat others how we want and deserve to be treated, with respect, trust and honesty.