Domestic Violence Against Women – A National Epidemic
Domestic violence is an epidemic in the United States. Victims of domestic violence and perpetrators of domestic violence can be anyone. In domestic violence it does not only involve two people, it involves the whole family. The people involved can be of any gender. Unlike our stereotypes, domestic violence happens to wealthy, educated mothers, and even soccer players. “Violence is mainly inflicted by men; most men have been socialized into masculine identities.” (Wood, 2009). “In the United States, every twelve to eight seconds a woman is beaten by a man; four women every day are beaten to death; and women are six hundred percent more likely to be brutalized by an intimate partner than men. “. (Wood, 2009). Statistically, domestic violence knows no socioeconomic, educational, racial, or religious boundaries. Domestic violence is learned and can be unlearned; It is important to identify the forms of abuse, why women stay, the programs available, and the changes that can be made to reduce the rising statistics for our future generations, because unlike child abuse and elder abuse, the law does not require reporting domestic violence in Illinois. How do you learn domestic violence? “Most domestic violence is caused by learning and reinforcement rather than biology or genetics.” (Farmers, 2007).
The behavior is learned by observing others who have abused someone in their presence or have been abused themselves. “Studies have found that nearly half of abusive men grew up in homes where their father or stepfather was violent.” (Farmers, 2007). A child can learn to be aggressive as a child. For example, when competing in sporting activities, children who play soccer play hard, endure physical pain and injuries, and face off against their opponents. (Forests, 2009). Also, showing emotions is frowned upon. This may be related to violent behavior against women, children, animals, as they become more mature. According to Turning Point, Inc., “Masculine violence against women in intimate relationships is a social problem that is tolerated and endorsed by the customs and traditions of a particular society. Pornographic videos, magazines, and websites are learning grounds that teach that women are unworthy of respect and valuable only as sexual objects to men Most video and computer games have become an important source of empowerment for children and adolescents Many of the messages about gender roles present men with men like aggressive and in-control men with women’s value restricted to their sexual attractiveness Boys often learn that they are not responsible for their actions Aggression in boys is increasingly being treated as a medical problem Boys they are being diagnosed and treated with medication instead of identifying that they have possibly been traumatized and exposed to violence and abuse in the home.
Domestic violence is repeated because it works and because many times it has no legal consequences. The fact that domestic violence is learned means that the behavior of the perpetrators can be changed. Most people can learn not to hit if there is enough motivation to change that behavior” (Farmer, 2007, page 2). In our society there are many forms of violent behavior that include “physical, verbal, emotional, sexual and visual.” are inflicted disproportionately or exclusively on members of one sex”. (Wood, 2009, page 285). The first form of abuse is physical. Men physically abuse a woman by hitting, biting, steadying, pushing, or sexually forcing her. The female victim is seen by society as the weakest and most deserving of being abused, while the male perpetrators are seen as strong, aggressive, and controlling. The second form of abuse is verbal. This type of rape can be committed by a man intimidating his female partner. Verbal bullying can include putting down, putting down, ignoring, disrespecting, “being told what to do,” or saying “you’re fat, ugly, or stupid.” and you’ll never amount to anything.”
The third form of abuse by men is emotional. This can include the male partner making poisonous comments that leave the woman feeling guilty, hurt or traumatized and very afraid to take any steps to get out of the situation. For example, the use of tone of voice and body language to indicate that the woman is stupid, ignorant, incompetent, or defective. An often used statement is “Who do you think you are?” According to Julia T. Wood on page 289 of Gendered Lives, “At least twenty-eight percent and possibly as many as fifty percent of women experience intimate partner violence, which is physical, mental, emotional, verbal, or financial power used by a couple against the other partner in a romantic relationship”. (Wood, 2009, p. 289).
Why do women stay in any relationship when there is abuse? There are many reasons why women choose to stay in their relationships while being abused. For example, lack of income and education. Husbands are in full control by not letting the spouse work or have money. Women will be isolated and have no outside relationships, including family. The abusive spouse will call multiple times asking where her spouse is and to report her whereabouts at every moment of the day. Most women feel trapped in staying in the relationship feeling like there is no way out. The women stay because they fear the repercussions and don’t know where to go to feel safe. They feel that without a new identity they will be found. This is especially true when children are involved.
Women will feel guilty taking the child from the father. Finally, women will justify the abuse by saying, “I had it coming,” “if only I hadn’t made him mad,” or “if only I did what he asked me to do,” I might not get hit. Many women also feel that it is their duty to stay because of their religion in order to “be submissive” to their spouse. Some women are raised in the environment to please people, especially their parents. They know nothing better than to marry and submit to their spouse. In Chapter Twelve of Gendered Lives on page 284, “Four million American women experience serious assault by an intimate partner over an average twelve-month period, and at least three women are killed by their husbands or boyfriends every day.” “. (Woods, 2007, p. 284). Western society recognizes that domestic violence has at least four stages of violence. In Julia T. Woods’ Gendered Lives on page 293 she talks about the cycle of intimate partner violence and the four stages. They are identified as stages of tension, explosion, regret and honeymoon. The two stages that help victims stay are the regret stage and the honeymoon stage. In the remorse stage, the abuser will say anything to keep the relationship going, such as “I’m so sorry” and promise never to “do it again,” or desperately say “I’ll get help,” and never follow through. In the honeymoon stage, the abuser will feel guilty for her actions and will usually buy the victim a gift to make up for her behavior.
The starting number of gender violence is a nationwide epidemic that must be taken more seriously by society. Today, domestic violence against women continues to rise along with concerns about women’s health issues. Thirty years ago, battered women had no choice, such as somewhere to go or nowhere to offer help and assistance. Today, there are more places to go, such as shelters, churches, and agencies to help victims of domestic violence. These shelters not only offer a place to stay, but also assistance with restraining orders, money, lawyers, and a new lease on life. Society needs to address abuse by men and help educate the public, especially the future generation, to prevent further violent attacks. The solutions sound simple enough, but we as a nation need to re-evaluate how we treat criminals in our society, and how we define and prevent them.
We must learn to be effective parents, spouses, and teachers without resorting to violent behavior to settle disputes with our loved ones and with whom we communicate. In order to reduce the statistics of gender violence, it is important to identify the stages, characteristics and types of abuse. Only by voicing our opinions can we make a difference when stopping or reporting the abusive person in the home or when someone you know is being abused. Each community can contribute by volunteering in their locality or raising awareness by denouncing violence.
All women are subject to being victims of domestic violence; unless society as a whole decides to speak up. Can the statistics be changed in the current surge against domestic violence? Yes, talking about the laws can help because if the laws and punishment against the perpetrator become stricter, it can prevent more domestic violence in general. In today’s culture, domestic violence against women is not subject only to any economic class; it is up to each person and as a society to make changes that make the current statistics a smaller number.
Works Cited
Farmer, J. (2007). McHenry County Turning Point, Inc. Retrieved May 29, 2008 from Domestic Violence Causes.
Hertz, S.K. (2006, SEPT/OCT). Caught. Retrieved May 15, 2008 from EBSCOhost (Academic Search Premier)
Christian Science Monitor. (1/31/2007, Vol. 99 Number 45, p18-18, 2/5p). What we can do about domestic violence. Retrieved May 15, 2008 from EBSCOhost (Academic Search Premier)
Pioneer Development Resources, Inc. (1994-2008). Defense Programs for Rural Women. May 27, 2008
Wood, JT (2009, 2007). Gendered Lives: Communication, Gender, and Culture, Eighth Edition. North Carolina: Wadsworth Cengage Learning.