My Grief Partner: The Clock That Keeps Ticking

This was an article I wrote for my newsletter subscribers last month. He was motivated by hearing so many share with me heavy hearts related to certain times each week, month, or year. The time trigger that occurs over and over again at those times or on particular dates.

Many of you believe that you are the only people affected by these weather triggers. That only you do those things or feel in a particular way. In your complaint it sounds like you are going crazy when it comes to Thursday at 1pm every week, or the 6th of every month. You sure aren’t crazy.

So I wanted to share the story of my watch with you, in the hope that you will feel reassured that your experience is common to so many mourning the loss of a loved one.

Blessings

Maureen

The day the clock stopped

The pain has changed me. irrevocably. My life will never be the same. My life has been split in half. The half that I was before Stuart died and the half that I am now. There is no way back. I also know that I have extra body parts, you may as well.

I never knew I had a clock inside of me until December 1, 2006. It seems so. I can tell you exactly time by time frame what happened from that day on, like a perfectly captured snapshot in time. I can tell you that the day was a Friday and it started like any other. I can tell you what time I went to bed that night. I can also tell you what time the police woke me up. I can tell you what time it was when I called Stuart’s brother and sister. I can tell you what time it was when the Royal Flying Doctor plane took off. I can tell you what time it was when I was crying in the ICU, being handed a cup of tea. I can tell you what time it was when your dad and I talked about organ donation. I can tell you what time it was when we switched life support off of him and I can tell you the exact time he died. That was the day the clock stopped! That moment was frozen in time, in me!

The clock then went back to ticking and ticking. For a time, the clock ticked for weeks, stopping at that moment on that particular day each week. Then the clock changed chronologically to months. Every month on that day, at that time, it stopped. Starting over to tirelessly ticking and tocking. Once a year, at the exact minute of that exact day of that exact month the glass face of the clock shatters – just like me, for a moment in time.

Now I know, the clock will keep ticking ticking on always remember… and that’s okay, now it’s one of my body parts.

“Don’t look at the clock; do what he does. Keep going.”…sam levenson