Seven healing questions to ask yourself when grieving
When coping with the death of a loved one, the most important factor in finding peace is how you communicate with yourself. Because? Because coping with the massive changes that the death of a loved one brings has little to do with what is happening on the outside, but rather with our commitment to adapt to the new circumstances we face. That’s an inside job.
The way we make sense of the loss and relate to it changes our perceptions and how we see our new world without the physical presence of the loved one.
In short, if we work on our inner life and realize that we have great power within, then it is possible to overcome any obstacle. This journey can be achieved by addressing seven key questions.
1. What do I want? Arguably, this is the number one question that we all have to ask ourselves periodically throughout life for one simple reason: it helps us create goals and assess our values. Without clearly written goals, which we use as reminders, we are at the mercy of time, forgetfulness, and the influence of others.
As you think about your answers to this question, consider whether you are choosing to be defined by your loss or working to adjust to the circumstances of your new life. This is where the wisdom of your imagination and intuition can serve you well.
2. What are my limiting beliefs? There is no such thing as a trouble-free life. However, limiting beliefs are often formed based on why this great loss had to happen to me. Therefore, the result is the formation of harmful beliefs such as “I have no future.” “I will always be alone”. “I’m getting what I deserve.” And the list can go on and on. Identify such beliefs, change them, and your behavior will change. What to replace them with follows.
3. What beliefs will help me cope with my loss? Here are three that others have used that strengthen the inner life.
(A) The road to coping well is always under construction. This means there is a lot of trial and error learning as we grapple with our loss and often have to take new paths or try new ideas. There is no time limit on this process.
(B) I create my own reality through thoughts and actions. You can choose to create a positive or negative reality through what you consciously allow into your mental life and what you expel. In any case, you are always creating one or the other.
(C) You provide great power to whatever you focus your attention on. Participation here is finding reminders and the right people to keep you focused in the mindset that brings peace and relief. Develop verbal, print, and visual reminders to help you shut down the negative when it starts to dominate.
4. How can I help others? The answer to this question can set your inner life on a course that brings great satisfaction, eases pain, and raises your self-esteem. And it will take the focus off of self by aiding in the journey of reinvesting in life. The world is full of people who need your presence and caring, and that same presence and caring will come back to your grievance work on the part of others.
5. How can I build lifelong connections? Connections heal. The degree to which we are connected to our interests, the people in our lives, and willing to be open to continuous learning and mystery in the world is an index of how well we will adapt to major change. Since change is inevitable, so must be our willingness to pursue challenges that are ongoing. The wider your connection range, the better your chance to weather whatever storm life throws your way. Give this question a high priority in the strategies you develop.
6. How many times have I said “I love you”? I have often said that the choice to love without expecting anything in return is a major force in successful coping. That love begins with yourself and recognizes the mystery and inner power that makes you the only you on the planet. You are special. You have the ability to show affection and concern just by your presence, without saying a single word.
Recognize that each person needs to know that they are loved. Expressing your love in words and deeds to yourself, the deceased, and those close to you feeds your soul. Find the right time to write or say “I love you” to your loved one (you will always have a relationship with the deceased), to your Higher Power, and to those in your family and social circle.
7. What is my mission now? No one truly enjoys their life without the feeling that they are making a contribution. Take time to examine options to create or continue a purpose or mission you have previously embraced. If you don’t have any, consider who, where, or what you will devote your time and energy to honor your loved one. How will you keep his memory alive? Or perhaps carving out a new way to use your talents, add them, or improve the health and spirit of yourself and others will provide you with new ideas for a quest.
These seven strategies require focused thought and a desire to grow through loss. Decide now the thoughts and behaviors that you will begin to develop to adapt to this great change in life.